She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
