On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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