I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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