Don't make out with my wife yet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
