Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize