woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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