I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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