I faked an abortion last night.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
