Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
