While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
