it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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