i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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