I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
