What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
