I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
smell my finger.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
