i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
