He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
