look no pants
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
