Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
