I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
