D3 body, D1 cock
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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