Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
