Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
