A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
