Did you just see the Batmobile???
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
