I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
