My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
honey bunches of taint.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
