Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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