Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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