flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
