I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
