i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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