I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
