Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
