I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
