I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We got so high we made milksteak
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
