i permit you to call me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
