btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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