considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
