next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There r osticjed everywhere
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
