White coat. Heels.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Rumble strips road head = magical
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
