She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
