His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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