My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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