and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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