Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
