Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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