If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So here I am, sexting at work.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
