I am puke
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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