It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
