I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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