I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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