singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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