You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
