summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
