toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
