dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
