dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
