Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
