drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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