Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize