I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
