and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
