Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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