Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
