I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
