dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize