Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
