I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
