I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
