She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
