I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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