...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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