I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
